


help me keep these hours alive

by pageandpetals



Series: Uni AU: Junmyeon/Jongdae [3]
Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Barebacking, But it's romantic smut, Established Relationship, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, References to Depression, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-21 01:39:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16149848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pageandpetals/pseuds/pageandpetals
Summary: it's halloween. junmyeon thinks he's going to surprise jongdae, but jongdae does him one better (uni AU).





	help me keep these hours alive

**Author's Note:**

> this is a bottle episode–style (i.e., one really long scene) outtake from a forthcoming sekai fic i've been working on since may 2018 (currently at 60k+, good grief). i got swept up in the jundae of it all and accidentally wrote a 9,000-word fic. and now i'm writing another long-ass jundae fic when i should be finishing the sekai. (the sekai is so long, please god let it end already.)
> 
> you might want to read [the other jundae fics in this au](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1036344) for context, but you can probably get by without it.
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/pageandpetals) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/pageandpetals)

Jongdae is a bundle of nerves as he and Minseok walk back into the apartment Jongdae shares with Yixing and Kyungsoo, laden with several boxes of pizza. Well, actually, Minseok is doing most of the carrying; Jongdae's in charge of the soda and the bag of paper plates and napkins the takeout place included with their order.

He follows Minseok into the kitchen, where Lu Han is ransacking the refrigerator for drinks, and puts the bag and a couple two-liter bottles of Coke on the table. He immediately turns on one heel and walks out of the kitchen, ignoring Minseok's sigh of irritation.

"I carried all of this shit upstairs and you're not even going to help me set up?"

"Nope," Jongdae says, walking down the hallway to the living room. _Is he here is he here is he here?_ repeats on a loop in his head. He feels like the dog from _Up_. Baekhyun hadn't texted him, but maybe he was just trying to be surreptitious. Or maybe he thought at least a little of this visit should retain an element of surprise.

Jongdae hears voices as he approaches, but not the one he's really listening for. He leans around the doorway, poking only his head into the room, but it's just the usual suspects: Baekhyun and Chanyeol, Yixing, Sehun. He looks at Baekhyun, puzzled, but it's Sehun who responds.

"He's in your room changing!" the kid says in a stage whisper, looking almost giddy. Baekhyun's grinning, too, pointing his arms in the general direction of Jongdae's room like one of those ground control guys at the airport. "Go, go, go!"

Jongdae's eyes widen of their own volition. He really couldn't have planned this better himself. It's not that he's shy about public displays of affection—quite the contrary. But it's the first time he's seen Junmyeon since the weekend before his twenty-first birthday—more than five weeks ago now—and it's been wearing on him a little. ( _A lot_ , says the annoying voice in his head that refuses to let him lie to himself.) Just this once, he'd rather have some privacy. And on a less serious note, the fact that he's already in Jongdae's bedroom means they won't have to muster up some completely transparent reason to excuse themselves from the party.

Jongdae all but sprints toward his door at the end of the hallway, pausing in front of it for a second to collect himself, and then knocks on the door three times with the back of his hand.

"I'll be out in a minute," Junmyeon says, loud enough to be heard through the door, and even hearing his voice sends a little thrill down Jongdae's spine and makes his heart feel too big for his chest.

He turns the doorknob and steps into the room, holding back a grin when Junmyeon snaps, "What the hell are you—"

Jongdae closes the door and leans against it. Junmyeon's facing away from him, holding the shirt that goes with his costume, but he'd craned his head over his bare shoulder (Jongdae _really_ couldn't have planned this better) to get a look at the intruder. He lets the shirt fall from his hands and turns around when he sees it's Jongdae. "— _Oh_."

Jongdae turns the lock and pushes off from the door, crossing the short distance between him and Junmyeon and flinging his arms around his very handsome, very shirtless boyfriend. He buries his face in Junmyeon's neck and inhales the familiar scent of Bleu de Chanel.

"Hey, stranger," he says, but the sound is muffled against Junmyeon's skin.

Junmyeon laughs, his arms wrapped tightly around Jongdae's back, and Jongdae is so happy he feels like he's going to pop. Junmyeon's laughter is like music to his ears, and it sounds even sweeter knowing he's the reason for it.

"Hey yourself," Junmyeon says, sliding one hand up his back to cradle the back of his head, and Jongdae's insides promptly dissolve into goo. "... Surprise?"

"Yeah, about that…" Jongdae leans back enough that he can look at Junmyeon's face before putting on his worst, cutest pout—another reason he's glad for the privacy, because Baekhyun would never let him live it down after all the flack Jongdae's given him about pulling the exact same shit with Chanyeol—and bringing his arms down to playfully pummel Junmyeon's chest with his fists. "Don't tell me you can't come and then show up anyway, you jerk. I was so bummed out last week that Sehun let the cat out of the bag just to cheer me up."

"Sehun?" Junmyeon cocks his head in bewilderment.

"You can't possibly believe that anything you say to Lu Han is ever kept in confidence," Jongdae says, stopping his play-fighting and splaying his hands across Junmyeon's chest. 

Junmyeon's eyes fall closed and he shakes his head with a smile. "I should have guessed."

"If you want to surprise me," Jongdae continues, looping his arms around Junmyeon's neck again, "buy me a train ticket or just show up here unannounced. No more tricks, got it?"

"Got it," Junmyeon says, suppressing a smile. Jongdae knows Junmyeon is easily charmed by his bossy demeanor. "Will a kiss serve as an apology?"

"I mean, it's a good start," Jongdae says. His tone is nonchalant, but the wobble in his knees when Junmyeon sinks a hand into his hair and kisses him deeply suggests he is anything but.

Jongdae is a little dazed when Junmyeon pulls back to look at him— _really_ look at him. It feels like Junmyeon is staring into his soul, and although his gaze is warm and affectionate, the intimacy of it makes Jongdae feel like the floor has dropped out from under him.

"I _am_ sorry," Junmyeon says, the hand on the back of Jongdae's head sliding down to the side of his neck. He brushes the shell of Jongdae's ear with his thumb. "Sometimes it's hard for me to tell what upsets you. Or if you're upset about anything at all." His lips curl into a wry smile. "You _are_ allowed to be mad at me sometimes, you know."

Jongdae sighs and looks down for a moment before meeting Junmyeon's eyes again. "No, no, it's not your fault," he says reassuringly, drawing him in for another hug. "I just get mopey when things aren't going the way I want them to, is all." He realizes this conversation is veering into unpleasant territory and quickly takes a different tack, stepping back to look at Junmyeon again with a grin on his face. "But! You're here now, and that's all that matters. Thanks for doing half my job for me, by the way," he adds, smoothing his hands over Junmyeon's shoulders with a wicked glint in his eye.

Jongdae has a feeling Junmyeon's going to want to circle back to this topic later, but for now he narrows his eyes with a little smirk on his face. "How was I supposed to know you were going to walk in on me when I was changing?"

"We've been together for seven months," Jongdae says, lifting an eyebrow. He casually slides his hands into the back pockets of Junmyeon's jeans and squeezes, smiling like the cat that got the cream. "How could you _not_ know?"

"What is it like to be as shameless as you are?" Junmyeon laughs, his eyes taking on that crescent shape they make when he's genuinely amused.

"Fucking awesome," Jongdae says, kissing Junmyeon hungrily and carefully walking backwards in the direction of his bed.

"Mmmmph," Junmyeon hums against Jongdae's mouth, extracting himself from the kiss. "Wait, wait, everyone's here, the party's going to start soon—"

"Don't care," Jongdae says, kissing him again, then trailing kisses all over his face and down his neck. "I can be quiet."

Junmyeon groans softly when Jongdae sucks on a patch of skin below his ear. "I kind of like it when you're loud, though."

Jongdae thinks his dick has never been harder than it is at this very moment. He pulls Junmyeon's hips against his own, squeezing his ass once more, and lifts his head to claim Junmyeon's mouth again. He kisses away with a flick of his tongue against Junmyeon's lower lip. "Take off your pants," he says, just loud enough to be heard.

Junmyeon's nose presses into his cheek, and Jongdae can hear him suck in a long breath. He pulls his hands out of Junmyeon's pockets when his boyfriend starts to unfasten his jeans and steps back so he can peel off his own sweatshirt, dropping it carelessly on the floor.

Once Junmyeon's unzipped his jeans, Jongdae takes over, falling to his knees and impatiently tugging both pants and underwear down far enough that they won't be in the way when Jongdae wraps one hand around Junmyeon's half-hard cock and starts to jerk him off.

" _Jongdae_ ," he chokes, and it sounds partially like a laugh, too.

"Surprise," Jongdae says, lips curling into his catlike smile as he works Junmyeon's dick to full hardness.

"I knew that was going to come back to bite me," Junmyeon says, smiling down at him with a little shake of his head.

"Not bite," Jongdae says with a thoughtful expression. "Can't make any promises about licking or sucking, though."

And before Junmyeon can respond to that, Jongdae takes his cock into his mouth as far as it'll go, working up enough saliva to make it comfortable before he starts to bob his head.

It's always messy and no amount of vocal warm-ups or jaw exercises can keep his face from aching by the end, but the payoff is well worth the effort. The reactions he gets from Junmyeon are even more intense because Junmyeon almost never expects Jongdae to go down on him. Not because Jongdae doesn't do it very often—he does—but because Junmyeon never takes it for granted. Before he and Junmyeon got together, he'd been with guys whose attitude was along the lines of "Are you going to suck it or what?" But Junmyeon isn't arrogant or demanding or entitled like that. He's kind and patient and generous (in more ways than one), and Jongdae loves to make him feel good.

But there's other things he likes about giving head, too. He likes the weight of Junmyeon in his mouth, how Junmyeon's hands tighten in his hair when he tongues the ridge just below the head, the gasp he makes when Jongdae gently pinches his sack between the pads of his thumb and index finger to rub back and forth along the sensitive skin. He enjoys the way Junmyeon touches his face and praises him, the breathy moans that come out of his mouth when he's close, the fact that he's just barely able to restrain himself from fucking Jongdae's mouth right before he comes. He loves to look up through his eyelashes at Junmyeon and see the intensity and arousal in his eyes when Jongdae swallows his release.

Most of all, he loves that the first thing Junmyeon does afterward is drag Jongdae up for a long, sensual kiss that warms Jongdae from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. It makes him wonder what good deed he did in a past life to deserve someone as perfect as Junmyeon, and he says as much after Junmyeon kisses him and they curl up in Jongdae's bed to catch their breath, stripped down to their underwear.

"You really don't give yourself enough credit," Junmyeon says, nuzzling at Jongdae's cheek. "But you also don't let other people see you the way I see you. I'm the only one who knows you're a marshmallow masquerading as a porcupine."

"Excuse me?" Jongdae laughs and mimes pounding Junmyeon's leg with his fist.

"You are a total marshmallow," Junmyeon repeats. "You just pretend to be prickly to protect your soft, sweet, gooey interior from harm." He punctuates each descriptor by poking Jongdae in the stomach. "Even with me sometimes. Maybe not the porcupine bit—not anymore, anyway—but like a marshmallow wearing a tiny bulletproof vest. Or at least a hard candy shell."

"All this talk about sweets… are you hungry or something?" Jongdae asks with a puzzled expression, rolling over so he can see Junmyeon's face. "I have Halloween candy in my—"

"Please listen, Jongdae," Junmyeon says softly, and the gravity of his tone shuts Jongdae right up. "You never say it outright, but I know you're unhappy and I know this long-distance thing is hard for you. Don't interrupt me," he says suddenly, seeing Jongdae open his mouth. "I just wanted you to know it's really hard for me, too. Like, to the point where there's this tiny, irrational part of my brain that says maybe I should have intentionally tanked my thesis so I could have stuck around for another year."

Jongdae did not expect those words to ever come out of his boyfriend's mouth. Junmyeon was class valedictorian and both of his parents are teachers. School is serious business for Junmyeon.

"You're always so quick to cheer me up and be my hype man and talk me down if I'm stressed out, and I love that about you," he continues. "You take really good care of me; you always have. I just find myself wishing you would let me do the same for you, especially because you really seem to need it lately."

Jongdae sighs and buries his face in Junmyeon's chest. "I do," he mumbles.

"Okay," Junmyeon says, resting his cheek against the top of Jongdae's head. "So what's up?"

"For starters, I miss you so much that it's embarrassing," Jongdae says. "Like, I can already predict that I'm going to be in a foul mood on Monday. And, on a related note, I get weirdly fixated on and depressed by the fact that one of us has to go home at the end of these weekends and it interferes with me actually _enjoying_ the weekend, and then I feel really guilty for not being, like, in the moment, or whatever." He lowers his voice. "And I don't like to tell you these things—"

"I can't hear you," Junmyeon says gently, putting a hand under Jongdae's chin and tilting his face upward in spite of the frustrated whine he gets in response.

Jongdae sighs and starts over. "I don't like to talk about this because I don't want you to think I'm some dramatic, codependent headcase who can't function without you. I'm not." He breaks eye contact. "I'm just super fucking lonely."

"I get lonely, too," Junmyeon says, smoothing Jongdae's hair. "I really miss how easy it used to be. Our dorms were a ten-minute walk apart, we could eat together whenever we wanted, nobody ever wanted to stay late at the paper so we could make out on the couch in the EIC's office after they left…" He shares a conspiratorial smile with Jongdae. "This is going to sound weird coming from me, Mr. 'Ah, yes, let me check my Outlook calendar,' but I really hate having to plan everything down to the minute now."

Jongdae laughs. "Boy, you really did let your metaphorical hair down the minute they handed you that diploma, huh?"

"But I got the diploma _before_ I became a total burnout," Junmyeon says, holding a finger up for emphasis. "That's the important thing."

"If anyone has earned the right to be a burnout, it is definitely you," Jongdae says, reaching up to pet Junmyeon's hair affectionately.

"You'll like this, then." Junmyeon smiles grimly. "I'm planning to tell my parents sometime soon that I have zero intentions of going to grad school."

"Holy shit." Jongdae sits up. "You are blowing my mind tonight, seriously."

"Oh, just you wait," Junmyeon says with a significant look that immediately makes Jongdae want to climb on top of him, and then he laughs. "Seriously, though, I was looking at programs and found a couple that I liked, but then I started thinking about having to write another thesis and that gave me one of those stress-induced stomach aches I used to get all the time last year, and I do _not_ want to get back into that headspace." He shudders. "Maybe if I remind my parents about the whole valedictorian thing, they won't immediately die of shock. Plus, I liked the summer program I went to, so I think I might try to stick with the publishing thing and see where that goes. I've been applying to open entry-level positions in New York when I see them, so hopefully I'll start to get some interviews. There's publishing houses in Boston, too, but I'm not sure I want to be too close to home after I drop that bomb."

"At least you have an idea of what you want to do, though," Jongdae points out, "which is more than I can say for myself. Like, I'm dying to graduate because—"

He stops short of saying "I want to move in with you," because they haven't actually officially discussed it, and instead says, "I want to be able to see you all the time, but I'm also dreading it because what the fuck am I going to do with my life? I know I can bullshit my way into almost anything with an English degree, but anytime someone asks me about it, the first thing they say is, 'Oh, what are you going to do, teach?' And I'm like, 'Have you met me? Do you really want _me_ to be shaping the youth of tomorrow?'"

"I don't know," Junmyeon says thoughtfully, pushing himself up so he's at eye level with Jongdae. "Maybe not with really little kids, like Chanyeol wants to teach, but I could definitely see you as the cool, young high school English teacher that all the girls—and probably a few of the boys—have a crush on." He grins. "I think you'd have to get your master's eventually, though, unless you taught at a private school."

"Ugh, prep school kids," Jongdae groans, then flashes an apologetic smile and wraps his arms around Junmyeon. "Present company excluded, of course."

"Nice save," Junmyeon snorts. He pauses for a moment, then says in a tone Jongdae thinks is a little too casual, "Which do you like more, New York or Boston?"

"Well, both of them have awful sports fans and terrible public transit," Jongdae says, ignoring Junmyeon's protests in favor of the MBTA, "so they're even on those counts. Boston's prettier, but that's canceled out by the fact that Lu Han lives there, so... I guess I'd say New York, mostly because it's sort of a midpoint between your hometown and mine." He narrows his eyes at Junmyeon. "Why?"

Junmyeon looks a little anxious. "I don't want you to think I'm jumping the gun, but—"

"Are you asking me to move in with you next spring?" Jongdae interrupts, his heart pounding. "Because if you are, the answer is unequivocally yes."

"Oh, god, that went so much quicker than I thought it would," Junmyeon says, sagging into the pillows with relief. But then he actually realizes what Jongdae has just said, and his face breaks out into the most heart-stoppingly gorgeous smile. Jongdae grins so hard in response that he feels like it might dislocate his jaw. "You really mean it?"

"I think I was ready to move in with you, like, three days after I got to the Vineyard this summer," Jongdae says, nestling himself into Junmyeon's arms again. "And I don't care if I have to live in some shitty illegal basement apartment that may or may not have been a crime scene at some point as long as I get to live there with you."

"My parents would never allow that to happen, even if they stop speaking to me after this whole not-going-to-grad-school thing," Junmyeon laughs, "but thank you for saying it all the same."

"They're not actually going to cast you off, though, are they?" Jongdae says, suddenly worried. They're both lucky enough that their parents didn't toss them out for being gay; it would suck for this to be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

"No, I'm just being hyperbolic," Junmyeon says, sliding back down under the covers and slipping an arm around Jongdae to rub his back. "I think they'll be disappointed, but I'm pretty sure I can make a convincing enough financial argument against it that they won't fight me on it too hard." He grins. "Maybe I can find a job at a prestigious university press as a compromise."

"Do whatever makes you happy," Jongdae says, sliding a hand behind Junmyeon's head to draw him in for a kiss, rolling onto his back midway through so Junmyeon is half on top of him.

"You make me happy," Junmyeon says when they part, and Jongdae's heart feels so full it almost hurts.

"Jesus, I love you," he says, tugging Junmyeon back in for another kiss. He moves his left leg so Junmyeon's hips are firmly caged between his thighs and runs his hands up and down Junmyeon's back, fingertips teasing at the waistband of his boxers. He can feel Junmyeon smiling against his mouth and decides to go for it, sliding his hands beneath the band to give Junmyeon's butt a real squeeze. He does him one better, too, rocking his hips up ever so slightly as he squeezes and pulling Junmyeon down into him.

Junmyeon's breath hitches and he kisses the corner of Jongdae's mouth. "You are a very bad man," he murmurs, a smirk in his voice.

Jongdae merely rolls his hips up again, rubbing his cock against Junmyeon's through their underwear. He tilts his head so he can flick his tongue against Junmyeon's earlobe and whisper his name close to his ear. "Please," he adds, his fingertips kneading Junmyeon's fleshy backside. "I haven't had you since my birthday and I want you so bad."

Junmyeon groans into his neck and grinds down into him with purpose, lifting his head to kiss Jongdae with increased fervor. "We really need to make a point of seeing each other more often," he says breathlessly as he begins to kiss down Jongdae's neck and chest.

"What's your Thanksgiving weekend looking like right now?" Jongdae asks, the question interrupted by a little gasp when Junmyeon's tongue slides over one of his nipples.

"My brother and sister-in-law don't want to travel with a baby so my parents are going to visit them in DC," Junmyeon says in between leaving kisses up and down Jongdae's ribcage. "Theoretically, so am I, unless something else comes up."

"You should come visit me. I'll probably have the house to myself for most of the weekend," Jongdae sighs, running his hands through Junmyeon's hair. The holidays are always a little crazy at Jongdae's house. Jongdae's mother works in retail management, so Thanksgiving weekend is usually pretty hectic for her, given that it kicks off the most important sales period of the year, and his father is a funeral director who tends to be on call on Thanksgiving weekend because a disproportionate number of people tend to die around major holidays. "So you can have Thanksgiving with your family on Thursday and then take the train up to Philly on Friday morning. It's only two hours away. We'll have to squeeze ourselves into a twin bed, but it'll be fun."

"We made it work in the dorms last year," Junmyeon laughs, curling his fingers under the band of Jongdae's boxer briefs. "That sounds great, though. I'll run it by my parents but I think I can swing it."

He bows his head to rub his nose and cheek against the bulge in Jongdae's underwear, and Jongdae moans louder than he means to. " _Junmyeon_."

"Mmm?" The teasing lilt in his tone makes Jongdae want to scream.

He settles for wriggling and lifting his hips off the bed with a whine as he reaches behind his pillow for the lube stashed between his headboard and mattress. He thrusts it at Junmyeon, who laughs at his impatience.

"You know I'm not the type to go on a power trip, but god, I love winding you up," Junmyeon says, taking the bottle and kneeling between Jongdae's thighs to survey the sight before him. "Seeing you get all needy and desperate is just… mmm."

"You say that like I'm not needy and desperate all the time already," Jongdae deadpans. He doesn't mind a joke at his expense if he's the one making it.

"Yes, but you're wearing a lot more clothing most of the time," Junmyeon says. "So it's not nearly as sexy as it is right now."

Jongdae grabs one of his hands and puts it over the crotch of his underwear, grinding up into it. "Less talking, more touching."

Junmyeon obliges, dragging the heel of his hand up and down the outline of Jongdae's hardening length for a couple moments before he hooks his fingers into Jongdae's boxer briefs and tugs them down and off, then slides his warm palms up and down Jongdae's inner thighs, sending thrills of heat up his legs to pool low in his belly.

"I fingered myself in the shower earlier, when I was getting ready," Jongdae says casually, "so I think I can take two to start."

"I'll be the judge of that," Junmyeon says, quirking an eyebrow at Jongdae. He scoots a little closer and picks up the lube, slicking the first few fingers of his left hand and breathing on them to keep them from being too cold when he presses a fingertip to Jongdae's entrance and slowly works it in. "So what were you thinking about? In the shower, I mean."

"Hm?" Jongdae is momentarily distracted by the sensation of Junmyeon's finger sliding in and out of him. "Oh, you know, you, me, _in flagrante delicto_. The usual."

"You are being weirdly vague right now," Junmyeon says evenly, testing Jongdae's entrance with a second finger. "Usually you spare no detail." He pauses and lowers his voice, looking at Jongdae through his eyelashes as he edges the second finger into him. "Is it something kinky?"

"No," Jongdae says, his insides quaking a little. He tries to relax so Junmyeon can move his fingers more easily. "I don't know. Not really? But it's sort of embarrassing and I don't know if you'll like it."

"Why don't you tell me what it is and we can discuss it?" Junmyeon curls his fingers inward and wraps his free hand around the base of Jongdae's cock, eliciting a gasp.

Junmyeon is so calm and diplomatic it's almost infuriating. Jongdae whines in frustration. He knows Junmyeon isn't going to shame him or anything, but he still feels embarrassed about how much time he's spent thinking about this. "Fine. I think about barebacking a lot, okay?"

Junmyeon is silent for a moment, and then he pulls his fingers out and says "Jongdae..." in a tone that suggests he's about to launch into a lecture.

"Have you fucked anyone else since we got together?" Jongdae says defensively, cutting him off with a raised eyebrow.

"No, of course not!" Junmyeon sputters, looking a little horrified at the very idea.

"Well, neither have I," Jongdae says. He struggles to find the right words, feeling a little silly about what he's asking. "So I just— I just want—"

"What?" Junmyeon says quietly.

" _You_ ," Jongdae says lamely, looking up at the ceiling. "Just you. Nothing between us."

Junmyeon's expression is inscrutable, but then he leans down to crush their mouths together in a deep, searching kiss, the kind that leaves them both panting when it's over.

"There's just one other thing," Jongdae says in a voice just above a whisper, his mouth still centimeters from Junmyeon's.

 

"Yeah?" Junmyeon's eyes meet his, and Jongdae can't handle it. He lifts his head to whisper in Junmyeon's ear.

"Don't pull out," he says, pausing before he adds, "I want to feel you come inside me."

" _Jesus_ ," Junmyeon says, the sound halfway between a whisper and a whimper, and buries his face in Jongdae's neck for a moment.

"Hey, I'm pretty sure I have the monopoly on embarrassment right now," Jongdae says self-consciously, half-heartedly punching Junmyeon in the arm, and Junmyeon lifts his head in alarm.

"No, no, no no no," he says, shaking his head as he leans in to pepper Jongdae's face with kisses. "I'm not—I'm not embarrassed, and you shouldn't be, either." His lips pause close to Jongdae's ear. "I just wasn't anticipating how overwhelmingly _erotic_ those words would sound coming out of your mouth and I needed a second to restart my brain."

"So— so you want to, then?" Jongdae asks, teeth sinking into his lower lip.

Junmyeon tilts his face to kiss him hard on the mouth. "God, yes."

Jongdae's heart rate gradually starts returning to normal. He reaches down to snap the waistband of Junmyeon's underwear against his hip. "Then these _really_ need to go."

Junmyeon laughs and kisses him again, then tugs his own boxer briefs down and gradually wriggles out of them before resuming his position between Jongdae's thighs. He adds more lube to his fingers and slides the first two back into Jongdae, then wraps his hand back around Jongdae's cock and slowly begins to stroke him while he probes for the spot that will make Jongdae tighten around his fingers. Jongdae groans and lets his head sink back into the pillow when he feels Junmyeon tease his rim with a third finger.

"Too much?" Junmyeon asks. Jongdae's tolerance for pain is notoriously low.

Jongdae shakes his head and lifts it enough that Junmyeon can see him smiling. "No, no, that was a good noise. Keep going."

Junmyeon wriggles his third finger the rest of the way in and pushes all three of them in as far as they'll go, stretching Jongdae until he gasps. Junmyeon rotates his wrist so he can curl his fingers in toward himself as he bows his head and sucks the tip of Jongdae's cock into his mouth.

" _Fuck_ ," Jongdae says, and he's glad his friends have started blasting music on Yixing's speakers in the living room, because that definitely came out louder than he'd meant it to. "Oh, god, Junmyeon, it is fucking ridiculous how good that fe _els!_ "

His voice pitches up in response to Junmyeon's fingertips dragging right over that spot just as his tongue swirls around the head of Jongdae's cock. Jongdae's hips buck into his mouth. "Oh, fuck, I need you so bad," he gasps, clenching one hand in the sheets and curling the other around the back of Junmyeon's neck. "Please fuck me already, Junmyeon, please—"

Junmyeon's hands and mouth are suddenly gone and Jongdae wonders for a split second if it's possible to die of emptiness, but then Junmyeon leans over him and Jongdae feels the head of his cock pressing up against his hole and he can't remember ever being this aroused. He pulls his knees in toward his chest and Junmyeon plants his hands on the mattress on either side of Jongdae's ribs, and then Junmyeon's hips push forward and Jongdae feels the delicious ache of being spread open by Junmyeon's cock for the first time in _weeks_ , made even more intense by the fact that he can really _feel_ him. He can only imagine how good it is for Junmyeon.

" _Christ_ ," Junmyeon says with a short, breathless laugh.

"Is this your first time doing it like this, too?" Jongdae asks, sliding his hands up and down Junmyeon's arms. Junmyeon nods. "Good?"

Junmyeon lowers his face to Jongdae's for a lazy, lingering kiss. "You have no idea."

He shifts, lifting Jongdae's calves to drape them over his shoulders, and then begins to drive his hips forward with slow, deep thrusts, practically bending Jongdae in half as he aims for the spot that makes Jongdae shudder with pleasure. They rarely start in this position—though at this point it's sort of an unspoken rule that they finish this way—but it's been so long since they've been together that Jongdae relishes the opportunity to watch his boyfriend's face (when Junmyeon's not kissing him or nipping at the thin skin of his neck, anyway) when they…

 _Ugh_. Jongdae really wishes there were a less nauseating term for this kind of sex than "make love"—"fucking" is a little too coarse a description, but the notion of "making love" makes Jongdae want to perform seppuku. He's pretty sure Junmyeon doesn't find the concept nearly as revolting as he does, but Junmyeon is more emotionally mature than Jongdae is by an order of magnitude. Sometimes Jongdae seriously wonders why Junmyeon puts up with him at all.

Junmyeon begins to thrust a little faster. There's a part of Jongdae that loves feeling Junmyeon's balls slapping his ass when he really gets going, relishes the phantom thrusts of Junmyeon's hips into his own for hours after they fuck. Jongdae lifts his hips up as much as he can to meet Junmyeon's movements, but it's difficult without the use of his legs for leverage. He drags Junmyeon down to kiss him hungrily and whispers against his lips after: "Can I ride you?"

Junmyeon dives back into the kiss with a moan, then eases Jongdae's legs down from his shoulders and withdraws, massaging Jongdae's thighs to ease the ache in his hip joints before rolling onto his back and letting Jongdae clamber on top of him.

"Sit up," Jongdae grunts, pulling Junmyeon up by the shoulders and moving the pillows around to prop him up. He sees the look of puzzled amusement on Junmyeon's face and drapes his arms around Junmyeon's shoulders, adding, "It's easier to kiss you this way, dummy."

"You better walk back that last bit if you have any hope of spooning after this," Junmyeon says, narrowing his eyes at Jongdae.

"It's easier to kiss you this way, you beautiful nerd," Jongdae amends, kissing the tip of Junmyeon's nose, which wrinkles up when he laughs.

"You're so kind," Junmyeon says, rolling his eyes good naturedly as he slings an arm around Jongdae's waist.

"I can be, when I want to be," Jongdae whispers, leaning in for a very soft, gentle kiss as he sinks himself onto Junmyeon's cock with agonizing slowness. "I love yooooou."

"You are infuriatingly contrary," Junmyeon groans against Jongdae's cheek. "I can't figure out why it's such a turn-on."

"Don't overanalyze it," Jongdae says, cutting off any reply Junmyeon might make by kissing him as begins to roll his hips up and grind his way back down, one arm braced around Junmyeon's shoulders for balance while his free hand works its way into Junmyeon's thoroughly tousled hair.

He feels Junmyeon's hands slide down his back, ostensibly to grasp his hips, but then he gets two handfuls of Jongdae's ass and _squeezes_. Jongdae moans into his mouth and increases his pace, clenching around Junmyeon on the upstroke and relaxing when he plunges back down.

Junmyeon breaks away, panting into Jongdae's chest. "Jesus, that feels incredible. Please keep doing that," he begs, his hands still kneading into Jongdae's ass. "God, you feel so good like this."

"So do you," Jongdae says, tipping his head back and smiling to himself as he picks up speed, letting the thrusts become a little shallower so the head of Junmyeon's cock pushes up against that spot inside of him that makes his dick throb with need.

Jongdae loosens his hold on Junmyeon's hair and drops his hand down so he can begin stroking himself, his desire to come too difficult to stave off now. His knees and thighs are burning, so he drapes himself fully over Junmyeon's chest to take some of the weight off of his legs and sucks marks into Junmyeon's neck as he grinds erratically into his lap, still tensing and releasing the way Junmyeon likes.

"God, yes, just like that," Junmyeon gasps, and Jongdae can feel the vibrations of the moan that follows through his lips on Junmyeon's throat.

Hearing the sounds Junmyeon makes just before he comes is almost enough to push Jongdae over the edge, but he wants Junmyeon to finish first. He kisses, licks, and nips his way across Junmyeon's neck and jaw and sucks his left earlobe into his mouth, holding it gently between his teeth as he flicks at it with his tongue. He kisses the little hollow behind Junmyeon's ear where it meets his jaw, then puts his lips close enough to his ear that Junmyeon can hear him.

"Junmyeon," Jongdae croons, practically bouncing on his cock at this point. "Are you gonna come for me?"

Junmyeon's grip on Jongdae's ass tightens noticeably, and his breath hitches. " _Jongdae_."

"You feel _so good_ inside of me," Jongdae continues, the part of his brain that judges him for saying this kind of thing mercifully silent. "I'm going to feel you fucking me for _hours_."

This almost primal noise comes out of Junmyeon's mouth. "Roll over, _now_."

His tone sends a frisson through Jongdae's body that gives him enough strength in his jellified legs to push himself up off of Junmyeon's cock and swing his right leg around so he can flop onto his back. No sooner is he situated than Junmyeon is between his legs and entering him all at once in a way that makes Jongdae gasp.

"Are you okay?" Junmyeon asks, his expression softening even as he's fucking Jongdae into the headboard.

" _Nnnnnngh_ ," is all Jongdae can reply for a second. He swallows and sucks in a breath and finally answers, "I like when you get a little rough with me. Driving you crazy— _ah_ —is fun."

Junmyeon snaps his hips with a smirk on his face. "I think you'll be feeling this for more than a few hours," he says breathlessly, leaning in to kiss Jongdae, who arches up into him. "Still fun?"

"Oh yeah," Jongdae says, his lips still close to Junmyeon's. "It's like my dirty little— _unh!_ —secret. Nobody knows but me."

"And me," Junmyeon laughs. "Or now I do, anyway."

"Mmm," Jongdae hums with a teasing smile, fisting his cock again. "But I have another secret."

"Yeah?" Junmyeon starts to kiss his neck again as his hips fall out of rhythm.

"Can't tell you, though," Jongdae sighs, tilting his head to give Junmyeon better access. "Not— _oh_ , god—not until you answer my question." He angles his face back toward Junmyeon's ear. "Are you gonna come for me?"

" _Jongdae_ ," Junmyeon chokes, his thrusts coming more erratically.

"Because I really want you to," Jongdae whispers, jerking himself off and tightening around Junmyeon's cock as it pistons in and out of him. "I wanna feel your cock twitch inside me, and then I want you to fill me up with—"

Junmyeon interrupts him with a rough cry, and suddenly Jongdae can _feel_ Junmyeon pulsing inside him, can feel how much warmer and wetter it is than normal, and it's so arousing that all it takes is a few more strokes before he's tensing around Junmyeon's still-twitching cock with a shuddering moan and spilling over his hand and onto his chest and belly.

Junmyeon pulls out and all but collapses onto him, and Jongdae stretches out his aching legs before pushing back Junmyeon's sweaty hair with his clean hand and pressing a kiss to his forehead. His heart is racing like fucking Seabiscuit at the Preakness. " _Holy shit._ "

Junmyeon rubs his cheek against Jongdae's chest, exhausted, his only utterance a noise somewhere between a moan and a laugh.

"Did I break your brain with my foul mouth?" Jongdae laughs sympathetically, wiping his other hand on the sheets before he wraps his arm around Junmyeon's shoulder and gives him a squeeze.

"You mean with your hot mouth," Junmyeon says with his eyes closed, and the words send a little thrill through Jongdae's body. "You—you _sex demon_."

Jongdae breaks into a fit of giggles, smacking the mattress with one hand until he can get ahold of himself enough to speak clearly. " _What?_ "

"I'm not a hundred percent convinced you're not an incubus," Junmyeon says, finally mustering up the strength to fold his hands on Jongdae's chest and prop his chin on them. He cracks open one eye. "But I'm ninety-nine point nine nine nine nine nine percent sure I would follow you straight to hell if I had to."

"That's good to know," Jongdae says, petting his hair, "because I am most assuredly headed there after I die." He pauses. "Although I'm not quite sure I _didn't_ die just now."

"That was…" Junmyeon sighs, leaning into his touch. "Intense, to say the least."

"Easily in the top five—no, three—orgasms of my life," Jongdae says confidently. "If not the best ever."

"Hear hear," Junmyeon says with a sleepy smile, half-heartedly raising one hand in assent.

"Thank you for indulging me," Jongdae adds quietly. "I know it's kind of weird and maybe a little gross but I liked it. _A lot_ , if you couldn't tell."

Junmyeon doesn't respond for a moment; instead, he rolls off of Jongdae with a groan, then curls up on his side next to Jongdae and pulls him in toward his chest. "I mean, it's not that weird. Straight people do it all the time. But our way is more fun because I don't have to worry about accidentally impregnating you."

" _Gross_ ," Jongdae whines, dragging out the word as he wriggles in Junmyeon's arms. "Why are you ruining this for me?"

"I was trying to make you feel not-weird!" Junmyeon laughs. "And on a more practical note, we'll save a ton of money on condoms."

"Sexy," Jongdae drawls. "Way to keep the magic alive."

"Quiet, sex demon," Junmyeon says, jabbing his belly with a finger, and Jongdae laughs both from ticklishness and at what appears to be his new pet name. "Anyway, I was going to say that I can't really fault you for asking because I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious about how it felt for you. I kinda think I might want to give it a try sometime."

Jongdae hears a record scratch in his head. He rolls over to face Junmyeon. "I'm sorry, did you just imply you wanted me to top you?"

"Are you opposed?" Junmyeon cocks an eyebrow at him.

"No, no," Jongdae says, not about to let this opportunity slip through his fingers, "just… that is a thing that literally no one else has ever wanted from me."

Junmyeon's eyes flick down toward their junk, and Jongdae punches him in the arm. " _Ow._ I was only going to say that we're basically the same size!"

"It's not about that!" Jongdae says, flustered. "It's more like most guys I've met think, 'If he walks like a twink and talks like a twink, he probably gets fucked in the ass like a twink.'" He pauses, wrinkling his nose. "That sounds worse than I meant it to. I _like_ bottoming. _A lot_. But, y'know, everyone likes a change of pace sometimes. I mean, for fuck's sake, even _Baekhyun_ gets to top sometimes."

"I really could have gone on living my life without knowing that," Junmyeon says with a pained expression. "I didn't mean to bring up a sore subject, though. And I'm sorry if I made any assumptions that I shouldn't have."

"Nooooooo," Jongdae says with an emphatic shake of his head, awkwardly putting his arms around Junmyeon in an effort to hug him sideways and lying down. "You didn't do anything wrong. I would have said something before now if it really bothered me. I am _very_ into our current arrangement. It's really moving me along on my quest to become a truly formidable power bottom."

"I'll say," Junmyeon laughs, and Jongdae lets go of him and flips back around to be the little spoon again. "Anyway, I just wanted to note that the option is on the table, if you ever feel like it."

"You are seriously the best person I've ever met in my entire life," Jongdae says after a long pause. _And if I ever do anything to drive you away, I will never forgive myself_ , he adds silently.

He pulls Junmyeon's arm around his waist and tugs his hand up toward his face, uncurling the fingers so he can kiss Junmyeon's palm (a little self-consciously, if he's being honest). "And I'm not saying that because you just offered to let me fuck you," he continues, "because as great as that sounds, in the grand scheme of things, none of that really matters. I'm saying it because you are, in actual fact, the best person I've ever known. Like, no shit, I think I would actually take a bullet for you, and I'm the most selfish person I know."

"A) Let's hope it doesn't come to that, and B) then you must know a lot of irritatingly perfect, selfless people," Junmyeon says, pressing a kiss to Jongdae's shoulder. "You're my favorite person and I don't think you're selfish. Not more than the average person, anyway. Honestly, you could probably stand to put yourself first a little more."

"What do you mean?" Jongdae says, craning his head over his shoulder; he can't see Junmyeon from this angle but at least he can hear a little more clearly.

"Be kinder to yourself," Junmyeon quietly, nuzzling his neck. "And don't downplay your feelings just to make other people comfortable. Especially me. I'm not trying to lecture you or be a nag—"

"I know you aren't," Jongdae says, rolling over to face him again. "And you're totally right, anyway. This is kind of what I was talking about with Baek and Sehun last week. I told you Sehun and I see eye to eye a little better—this is why. We are… very alike, in some ways." His face scrunches up in a way that suggests he's not sure how to feel about this. "I feel oddly protective of him now. It's… weird."

Junmyeon kisses Jongdae on the forehead and pulls him in toward his chest. "I think it's nice that he has you and Baekhyun and Lu Han to look out for him."

"Yeah," Jongdae sighs, muffled against Junmyeon's sternum, then makes a face. "I suddenly feel very uncomfortable talking about Sehun while I don't have any clothes on. We should clean up."

Junmyeon lets Jongdae wriggle out of his grasp, and Jongdae sees a look of horror slowly take over Junmyeon's face as he sits up.

"Oh _noooo_ ," Junmyeon groans in dismay. "There's no way we're going to be able to shower, not with this many people in the house."

Jongdae digs in his nightstand for the wet wipes and tosses them to Junmyeon. "These'll have to do for now."

"But aren't you going to be, um…" Junmyeon looks for the right word as he cleans himself up. " _Uncomfortable?_ "

Jongdae laughs, catching his meaning, and grabs a few wipes for himself. "That reminds me, I never told you my other secret."

"No, you didn't," Junmyeon says, narrowing his eyes. "Go on."

"Oh, it's nothing, really," Jongdae says casually, mostly because now his body isn't flooded with enough hormones that he can launch into really serious dirty talk without feeling completely mortified. "Just that I'm gonna be really distracted–slash–mildly turned on all night, feeling your come leak out of me."

" _Jongdae._ " Junmyeon covers his face with his hands and groans in that scandalized-yet-aroused tone that Jongdae loves, falling back against the pillows. He points an accusatory finger at Jongdae, who is wearing the biggest shit-eating grin he can muster. "Sex demon! Are you actively trying to put me into cardiac arrest?"

"It's not _my_ fault you have weak heart muscles," Jongdae says, wiping dried sweat from his face, neck, and arms. He looks down his nose at Junmyeon, teasing. "Maybe you should hit the gym more often."

This is clearly a joke—unlike Jongdae, Junmyeon actually works out—but it doesn't stop Junmyeon from immediately sitting up and putting Jongdae in a headlock. He smiles wickedly and aims a fake-out punch at Jongdae's arm. "Care to rephrase that?"

"Nah," Jongdae says with a satisfied smile, going limp in his arms and letting his head fall back against Junmyeon's shoulder. "And if you don't want me to develop some kind of weird Pavlovian boner situation in response to being choked, you should let me go put my clothes on now."

Junmyeon releases him like he's been burned, and Jongdae kisses him on the cheek before he hops out of bed and pitches a handful of dirty wipes into the small trash bin near his bed. Pivoting toward his dresser, he scrounges around in the top drawer for his ratty laundry day boxers. After pulling those on, he rummages in the closet for components of his costume: a white button down shirt with a gray sweater vest and black pants, billowing black robes, and the bag of accessories sitting on the floor—a red-and-gold striped tie and matching scarf; a pair of black, round-framed glasses with the lenses punched out; a black eyeliner pencil; and the wand he'd bought at Universal Studios the summer after freshman year when he and Baekhyun road-tripped down to Florida. The only thing that's out of place is this Harry Potter's preference for black high-tops over dress shoes.

Mostly dressed and having scrawled a passable lightning-bolt scar on his forehead with the aid of the mirror hanging over the closet door, Jongdae turns around with the bag in hand and the tie draped over one shoulder and tries not to let his jaw drop too hard when he sees Junmyeon. He looks so good in his Han Solo costume that it makes Jongdae want to lie on the floor and throw a tantrum. Even better, he's dressed as _The Empire Strikes Back_ Han Solo, with that sexy jacket and the tall boots and everything.

Junmyeon catches the expression on his face and flashes a roguish grin. "I figure you could use more scoundrels in your life."

"I happen to like nice men," Jongdae says with a sly smile, putting his arms around Junmyeon's shoulders.

"I'm a nice man," Junmyeon says, leaning in with a smirk.

"The nicest," Jongdae agrees, breaking character and kissing him on the nose. "Tie, please."

Junmyeon shakes his head with a little smile and pulls up Jongdae's collar, adjusting the tie around his neck so the wide end is hanging near his waist before working on the knot. "Couldn't come up with something new this year?"

"Eh, if it ain't broke, don't fix it," Jongdae says with a shrug. He lets his arms fall from Junmyeon's shoulders so he can pull out his remaining accessories. "Yixing won't love it, but at least I put in a _little_ effort."

"Stop fidgeting or I'm going to choke you," Junmyeon says with fond exasperation in his voice as he twists the narrow end of the tie around the wide end and pushes it through the neck loop.

"What did I say about the Pavlovian boner thing?" Jongdae laughs. Junmyeon doesn't look up from his work, but then Jongdae feels the toe of Junmyeon's boot connect with his shin—gently, but still. "All right, all right, no more erotic asphyxiation jokes."

They're both quiet for a moment, but then Jongdae starts panicking a little, wondering if the jokes are actually making Junmyeon uncomfortable, and feels like he needs to explain. "I was only joking, honestly," he blurts out. "I have zero interest in that kind of thing. I mean… _yikes_."

"Glad we're on the same page," Junmyeon says, and Jongdae thinks he looks a little relieved, but he also thinks he's probably reading way too much into this conversation.

Junmyeon takes the remainder of the narrow end of the tie and hides it behind the neck loop, along the side and back of Jongdae's neck, before he tucks the wide end into Jongdae's sweater vest, pulls the shirt collar down, and surveys his work. Satisfied, he takes Jongdae by the shoulders and gently steers him toward the mirror. "That look okay to you?"

"Jesus, did you have to take a whole class on this kind of thing in prep school?" Jongdae steps a little closer to the mirror to check out the trinity knot Junmyeon had tied for him. "That is dapper as fuck."

"Private school is just like public school, except it costs entirely too much money and virtually the entire student body is white," Junmyeon says dryly. "So no. I had to learn to tie different kinds of knots for sailing when I was a kid, so when I got older I was kind of fascinated by how many different knots you can make with something as simple as a necktie."

Jongdae makes a little clicking noise with his tongue. "You're such a fucking nerd," he says with affection, leaning back against Junmyeon. "I love you."

Junmyeon backhugs him, pinning Jongdae's arms to his sides and resting his chin on Jongdae's shoulder. He meets Jongdae's eyes in the mirror. "I know."

Jongdae sucks his lips in and squints at Junmyeon in the mirror for a moment. "Did you _really_ just do that?"

Junmyeon's eyes are squeezed into little crescents because he's grinning so hard. "Thank you for that incredible setup."

Jongdae's upper arms are still trapped, so he settles for pointing at the door with his forearm. "Get out of my house."

"Nope." Junmyeon kisses him on the cheek and adjusts his grip so that Jongdae won't slide out of his arms when he _lifts him off the fucking ground_ and starts walking to the door.

"Junmyeon, if you don't put me down _this instant_ , so help me god," Jongdae says in a shrill voice, kicking out fruitlessly like a tortoise on its back. Junmyeon might not be much taller than he is, but he is most assuredly stronger. "You are going to be in so much trouble."

"You can pretend you don't love being manhandled all you like," Junmyeon says with finality, shifting Jongdae slightly and tightening one arm around him so he can use the other to unlock and open the bedroom door. "But I know you better than that."

"Am I really that transparent?" Jongdae sighs, his shoulders sagging.

"No." Junmyeon sets him on his feet in the hallway and closes the door. "I just know what makes you tick, that's all."

Jongdae feels very sentimental all of a sudden; it's comforting to know there's at least one person in his life who really _gets_ him, but this is neither the time nor place to get carried away with his feelings. Instead, he smiles at Junmyeon and grabs hold of one of his sleeves, tugging him down the hallway in the direction of the kitchen.

"Those assholes better have saved us some pizza."

**Author's Note:**

> please forgive me for the angst and also for the absolute filth you just put in your eyeholes. jongdae's embarrassment is my own tbh. this is the first fic i've written (and finished) in about four years, and i'm in a noticeably different headspace these days (in a good way—more aware of my emotions, lmao), so i hope the tone shift (in comparison with my other stuff) isn't too jarring.
> 
> if you liked this, you should read [the other jundae fics in this au](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1036344). they are one of my absolute favorite pairings to write. i'm currently in the middle of writing a fic about the thanksgiving visit referenced in this story, so keep your eyes peeled for that (also, the aforementioned sekai that i may or may not be writing until i die).
> 
> come say hi to me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/pageandpetals) or drop a note in my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/pageandpetals)! i'm trying to get back into writing more often because it feels really good to make something, so if you have any ideas for prompts, i'm all ears. (can't make any promises that i'll write something for every prompt—having a full-time job is a major timesuck, plus i freelance on the side—but it's hard for me to come up with ideas sometimes, so i'll take any help i can get!)


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